Chapter 15 - Simon, Monday

Sometimes this bloody office feels like a prison! Well, more often than that lately. How on earth did I end up in insurance anyway? I’d blame bad careers advice if it wasn’t more to do with my own staggering lack of ambition. I came for a summer job and never left. Too many years later and at least I’m off the phones - much more of that and I’d have gone mad! You’d be surprised how stupid people are, and how many of them have a car accident and don’t know anything about the other vehicle involved. “Hmm, it was blue. Or maybe green.” Thanks for that! Honestly, I think I spent about seven years biting my tongue, it’s a wonder I never gave myself an ulcer!
Now of course there’s none of that, not as Senior Claims Supervisor. Whatever that means. Now I just get to deal with the idiots we employ. Lucky me! Someone once tried to excuse their lateness by saying they forgot where they worked! God, I wish I could. I hate feeling this grumpy so early in the week - Monday is supposed to be the high point, and it’s downhill all the way from there. But where do you go if you’re at the bottom of the hill? I think you just lose the will to live.
So this week I’m going to make an effort to get out in the evenings, have myself some fun. Dave suggested going for a drink this week, and I must take him up on it. It was good to see him on Saturday, and he’s always good for a laugh. If there’s any mischief to be had he’ll find it, and boy could I do with some mischief! I must catch up with Jim too. He looked a bit lost on Friday, I think this Maria business has hit him harder than he’d like to admit. Not that he’s really said much about it, we don’t really talk about that kind of things. I guess it’s my fault - I’ve never had anything like that I’ve wanted to talk about, and those kind of conversation require reciprocation. And Nick too. We ought to be more brotherly, and I’m curious to hear how the christening went. Less curious to know how Dad was mind, but I’m kind of sorry I missed seeing Emma.

I hate departmental meetings, they always descend into bickering. It doesn’t help that they’re always rushed, and at the end of the day. No one wants the phones to be down so we have to wait till one shift ends and hope they’ll all stay on and listen. But it’s no surprise that they’re restless. Half of them have their coats on ready to go, and the other half are already mentally on the way home. And there’s always someone who seems surprised when you ask them to stop texting! For goodness sake, where did we find these people? I’m usually as bad as I never have anything useful to do - neither Manager or worker bee, I’m stuck between both camps and don’t know who to try and please. So invariably I keep quiet and watch the clock out of the corner of my eye. No doubt tonight’s will be as pointless as ever. Whoever scheduled it for a Monday should be shot.

I normally eat a sandwich at my desk, but today I had to get out. If I spend any longer looking at that screen I’ll scream. And if I see another graph I swear I’ll run amok with a stapler or something! So the fresh air will do me good. I even abandoned my homemade sandwich. It was only cheese that had seen better days and some unidentifiable pickle from the back of the cupboard. I really fancy a bagel, and the walk to the really nice bagel shop will clear my head.

Hmm, what is it about bread and cheese in the open air? I feel much better! Must be the sun on my head. Or maybe the sneaky little bottled beer I bought from the Off Licence. Well, one won’t hurt. I sat in a small park watching some kids skateboard. They must have been bunking off school, they certainly didn’t look old enough to have left, but who can tell nowadays. The bagel was gorgeous, and I couldn’t resist a pastry while I was there. Yeah, I know I shouldn’t, I’m getting fat enough as it is, but it looked so lovely I’d asked for it before I realised what I’d done.

Well that was odd. I got back to the office and when I walked past the phone room I noticed a group of them standing round having a very animated conversation. It’s unlike them all to be back before they have to be, and then they usually head straight to their desks and their phones. If there’s any gossiping to be done it usually takes place at the coffee machine or in the toilets. They certainly looked worked up about something, I wonder what it was? It can’t have been work, because they’d have been in here like a shot - they like nothing more than bringing me their work-related moans. No wonder I’m losing my hair! Then I wandered out to get a coffee, just in time to see one of the girls rushing to the toilet clutching a tissue to her face and snivelling. I do hate crying in the workplace, although there have been plenty of times when it’s made me want to weep. I wonder what’s going on? If only more people liked me I could have a discrete word, but there’s no way anyone in that phone room is going to let me in on the secret.

OK, something’s really going on. I went downstairs to check some figures with Accounts and I’m sure I saw the Big Boss from Belgium in the MD’s office. It’s not often we see him, especially not on a Monday. He sometimes swans in just before Christmas, distributing largesse and trying to look festive, but never at this time of year. And now I come to think of it there are a lot more salesmen in than normal. You’d usually be lucky to find a couple in, if lucky is the word you’d use. This can’t be good, they only ever bring salesmen in in an emergency - no salesmen on the road means no sales etc. Oh shit, now I’m getting panicky.

Oh fuck, the Claims Director is here. We never see him at a departmental meeting, there’s no need for him to be here so he always sends the Claims Manager. Now I know we’re fucked.

“Good afternoon everyone, thanks for sparing me your time, especially at the end of a busy day. I know you’re all tired and eager to get home so we’ll make this brief.
You may already be aware that the last quarter was particularly disastrous for us. We lost several big business customers and the domestic market has been very tricky, what with supermarkets offering similar products at ridiculously reduced premiums. We failed to meet our targets. And I’m afraid when I say failed I mean badly - by just over 40%. Our predictions for the next quarter are equally gloomy, and we’ve been instructed by Head Office to take some measures to prevent this temporary downturn getting out of control.
We’ve spent several weeks looking at our options, but with no immediate prospect of big customers returning or changing for their existing insurers we’ve been forced to look in-house to make some savings. The only way we can reduce our overheads is buy reducing our staff, so it is with regret that we’ve decided redundancies are our only option.
We are legally obliged to go through a consultation process with each and every member of staff, which will begin tomorrow and take about a week. No decisions will be made until everyone has been spoken with. I must stress that we do not have a list of people in mind - anyone and everyone could be affected by this. Voluntary redundancies may be an option, and this will be discussed with you in your meetings.
I’m sorry to spring this on you on a Monday evening, thank you for your time. If any of you have any questions I’ll be in my office. Thanks”

Oh fuck. There I was thinking we’d been taken over or something. It never occurred to me we’d go through this again! How long is it since the last cull? Two years? Three? God, this place is going to be hell. I remember last time, everyone was so desperate to save their jobs that we all got really crazy. I remember sitting looking round the office thinking who’d be given the chop before me, and realising that there were worryingly few beneath me. It got a bit much for some people, and there was an awful lot of snapping at each other, slamming doors and snide remarks. I even remember being pleased when some people I didn’t like were let go. I’m not sure who it’s worse for - the people who’ve not been here very long or the people who’ve been here forever. What would I do? What could I do? I’m unlikely to get another job in insurance - everyone else is in the same situation as us: cutting back, saving money. And I’m not sure I’d want one. But I don’t want to change! I couldn’t cope with it! The thought of having to sell myself to another company appals me. I couldn’t. Who would want me?
It’s time like this I wish I had friends within the company so I could go out with them and debrief. And bitch about the idiot Managers who got us into this mess. Some of them look really gutted. Admittedly some of the boys look like they couldn’t care less, and why should they? They’re young and capable, they’ll bounce back. But I’m too set in my ways to bounce. Oh fuck, I need a drink….