Chapter 17 - Nick, Tuesday

I like Tuesday. Tuesday is always a good day, and not just because it’s a day off. And bizarrely although it is my day off I’m still up early to go swimming at 7am. It started ages ago, when a couple of us from work decided we need to get fit. We lasted about two visits to the gym, realising almost immediately that we were just too lazy. The other options were pretty limited, although I did end up biking to work for a while, but it seemed a bit pointless as I can walk it in twenty minutes and get a bus in ten if it rains or when I can‘t be bothered. I was resigned to the fact that I’m a lazy boy when someone suggested swimming. At first the idea of getting up so damned early seemed really stupid, but after a couple of weeks I realised I was enjoying it and even went when no one else would. It’s the perfect time to go really - there are no kids, it’s just the hardcore swimmers who want to do lengths, and lots of them. I can’t keep up with them, pottering along with my old lady breast stroke, but it’s not a race anyway. By the time I hit the shower at eight I’m wide awake and feeling good in my own body, ready for anything really. Often that anything will comprise nothing more exciting than an immediate return to bed, but the whole thing never fails to make me feel better about myself.

But a return to bed isn’t on the cards today, even if it’s what I’d likely to do most. And judging by the looks I was getting from the bloke under the shower next to me I don’t think it would have been difficult to find some company, not that I wanted any. No, I’ve got a full day planned, although it’s only full of good things like lunch and a film. But before all that I must get Simon a birthday present. Yeah, I know his birthday is on Thursday, but he’s such a nightmare to buy for that I’ve been putting it off. It doesn’t help that we rarely see each other, and when we do we rub each other up the wrong way! He texted me last night, although it didn’t make much sense, some badly spelt nonsense about nobody liking him anyway. I just texted him back and said to ring me when he was sober if he wanted a chat. He won’t.

I nipped home to drop my swimming stuff off, then jumped on a bus and headed into town. Of course it’s commuter time so the bus was full of people hiding behind papers, and the traffic is hardly moving. But I’m in no hurry and it’s fun to daydream. I must confess that since Saturday night my thoughts have kept returning to Big Ben and that snog we had. He hasn’t been at work since, I don’t think we’re on the same shifts until Thursday, and I’m strangely excited about seeing him. I know it was a drunken kiss, and that I’m twice his age. I know he’s too young to settle down, but I also know that he’s gorgeous and it was a great kiss, and you can’t get enough of those! The only problem is the other Ben - he trails after Big Ben like a sad puppy, and I think he’d be gutted it someone else stole his ideal man. Poor Ben. Actually, poor me, I’m probably just as bad.

By the time the bus got into town I’d spent far too long working out ways to get Big Ben alone and naked. I may have dwelled on the naked bit a bit more than was necessary on public transport, but it’s been a while so it’s understandable that I’m slightly eager. First stop Starbucks - I can’t face those shops without something to get me going. None of that skinny latte shit for me - hot chocolate with cream if you don’t mind, and a chocolate muffin to go with it! I sat in the window reading a paper that someone else had left behind, watching the world go by and marvelling at how all men in big cities now look gay. Of course they’re not, but they’re groomed and gorgeous in a way that people used to only think us gays could be. Makes a day shopping a lot more fun, although it’s bloody tricky to know who’s on your team!

OK, full of sugar and fat, so it was time to hit those shops. Where to begin? It’s not like he has any hobbies, or if he does he keeps them to himself. Who knows, he might be a secret stamp collector for all I know, but somehow it seems unlikely. The thing he loves above all else is books. Sometimes I think he likes books more than he likes people. It sounds odd to say it, but I fear it may be true. Of course I’ve no idea what he’s read recently or not, so I guess I could buy him book tokens, but honestly vouchers are the most unimaginative present! Still, every shopping trip needs a reserve plan and this is mine. Onwards!

Two hours later I was literally on the verge of pulling my hair out! The more I trudged round the shops the more I was reminded that I don’t know my brother at all. I toyed with buying him some clothes, a nice shirt maybe, something to make him look a bit younger and more modern. But then I couldn’t say with confidence what size he’d wear. Of course I should have just phoned Mum but she’d have interfered and told me what I should buy him instead. Inevitably I wandered into HMV - there must be something for everyone in there - who doesn’t like music or films? Nobody! Certainly not me, which is why I left with five CDs. Frankly I got away lightly, I could easily have doubled that amount, and that’s without starting on the DVDs! I did have the beginning of an idea for Simon - there was a cartoon he was obsessed with as a child, which I can’t remember the name of. Need to wrack my brains a bit, or research it online. It was his favourite for years anyway, and I thought it might remind him of when we were young, when life was easier, and remind him that I was there then too. Sentimental twat. I should phone Jim, he’d remember that kind of thing. Actually I should just phone Jim anyway.

I don’t really know how it happened. One minute I was looking at shirts, the next I had a pair of shoes in my hand and was queuing at the till! I was like I blacked out. Except I didn’t, it was a shoe frenzy! The stupid thing is I already have a pair like it, but not in suede, so obviously I needed these quite urgently! And at £15 they were quite the bargain. Yes, I know it doesn’t get me any nearer a gift for Simon, but it certainly put the spring back in my step!

I think I’m going to get him a shirt. Book tokens are just lazy, I might as well just give him the money, although that’s even lazier. So I braved a phone call to Mum and got away quite lightly. I got the impression she was in the middle of something, so she just answered my question without stopping to find out why I was asking it in the first place. I did get summoned for tea on Thursday though, which will be a bit of a rush as I’m at work till three, but it won’t kill me to make the effort. So, decision made, all I’ve got to do is find a shirt that he’ll like, will be good to get him out of those rugby shirts and old jumpers. He looks like he’s 47 not 37. I guess he’s scared of colour, so nothing too flamboyant. And nothing too gay either. I’m thinking a stripe? Vertical obviously. Blue? Oh no, hang on, there’s the perfect thing: brown with a pale pink stripe. Fitted as well. Actually I quite fancy one for myself. Well, why not? It’s not like we socialise in the same circles! And actually we’ve got the same colouring so what suits one of us ought to suit the other, within reason. Cool, job done.

OK, I guess it might be time for me to go home - I’ve got what I came for, plus more treats than I can strictly afford. It’s going to take a few extra shifts to pay for this morning’s haul! And yet somehow I feel like I haven’t really started. Perhaps I should just have another look in HMV? Just to make sure I didn’t miss anything? No, bad Nick. What I should really do if I had any sense is go home and get on with some course work. I’m far enough behind with my assignment as it is! At this rate I’m never going to get my NVQ, and then how will I progress up the management ladder? Although come to think of it would that be so much of a tragedy? I’m too old for that kind of nonsense, careers are for young people - if I haven’t got one now I’m clearly not meant to have one.
Perhaps a compromise is in order - no more shopping, instead I’ll get some lunch and head home. Get a few hours work done then see if I can find someone with nothing better to do and go for a film. I bet Brenda would be up for an evening out, she doesn’t usually do anything on a Tuesday night. Perhaps we can tempt the Bens out and make an evening of it? Oh no, mustn’t go there again, that way lies trouble! Yeah, but I could really fancy some trouble….