Chapter 22 - Gay Dave, Wednesday

Last night was fun! And I don’t just mean the bit where I met Danny’s gorgeous man. For a brief moment I toyed with the idea of pretending we’d “met” before, nudge-nudge wink-wink, but something in the way Danny has been talking about him made me realise he was serious. Actually it was probably the fact that Danny had been talking about him at all, as he never usually does. Anyway, we exchanged pleasantries and I left them to it. Lucky devils.

By the time I got round to Nicky’s she was on the verge a big strop. It didn’t help that I was a bit late, and I didn’t have a very convincing excuse - I could hardly confess to hanging round the flat to perv over my flatmates new man could I? So I mumbled some lie about getting held up at work, which I didn’t get away with as she’d apparently phoned work to tell me to bring cream with me, only to find me already gone. So I gave her the flowers and a hug, told her I was really sorry, then went to give some chocolate to the girls. Laura hardly had time to yell, “hi uncle Dave” as she was in the midst of some complicated shoot-em-up game. I’m sure as I headed up the stairs I heard her yelling, “die scum!” Becky’s door was shut, and I knew better than to go into a girls bedroom without asking, so I knocked and said, “Becky, it’s Dave, I’ve got chocolate”. Her mother yelled up the stairs, “she won’t eat it, she’s only eating green coloured things this week!” and which point the door was yanked open and Becky bellowed, “no I’m not, that was last week, this week it’s red stuff!” And although she said it with a smile on her face I had no idea whether she was joking or not.
“Do you want to save it for a brown week?”
“Don’t be stupid, there is no brown week! I’ll have it now, then I won’t have to have as much of what’s she’s burning downstairs.”
She was right, there was a distinct smell of burning in the air, followed by Nicky yelling, “fuck fuck fuck” and the clattering of a pan on top of the stove.
I raced downstairs with Becky right behind me, and even Laura poked her head around the door long enough to make sure the house wasn’t on fire and she could go back to her game. There was a strange shaped smouldering pile on the baking tray, which didn’t look like any food I recognised.
“What on earth was that?”
“Clay”
“As in clay, or some obscure vegetable you found in Waitrose?”
“Fuck off, it’s actual clay. Laura was making stuff the other day and I put it in the oven out of harms way. And forgot it was in there!”
Then she started giggling hysterically, followed by Becky, although burning clay didn’t seem that funny.
“What’s so funny?”
“It was going to be a birthday present. For you.”
I know it sounds ungrateful, but I think I had a lucky escape! But there’s a few weeks left yet so I’m afraid she’ll have another go. I’m just curious to find out what it was….

The meal turned out to be really nice - a huge shepherds pie, heavy on the potatoes, several glasses of wine, and once the girls were in bed a couple of tubs of Ben & Jerry’s. We had the same sweet tooth, possibly due to a childhood without sweets - Mum was paranoid we’d rot our teeth so we only ever got chocolate at Easter or Christmas, unless we managed to con some money out of relatives in the meantime, although Mum was always keen to make sure we spent it sensibly. I know it was just because she was terrified of the dentist and didn’t want to put us through it too, but tell that to 8 year olds who are the only ones in their class who can’t blow bubbles with bubble gum, because they’ve never even had the stuff! We’ve made up for it since, and luxury ice cream is one of our favourite treat - one tub each, then swapping over when they’re half empty. Sounds greedy? Well, yeah but that’s the point surely.
We had a nice relaxed gossip - and for a change we both only had good things to tell each other. We’re both very settled, although in quite different ways. As much as she loved Jack she was also enjoying him being away for a week. He phoned a couple of times during the evening, and I even had a quick chat with him, just to say ‘hi’ and ask him a favour. The girls were good too, although Nicky was worried it was the calm before the teenage, and I wound her up a little by reminding her how much of a nightmare she’d been as a teenager - it’s amazing she never slammed her bedroom door off its hinges! In contrast I’d been a dream child, although if anyone had realised what was going on in my head they’d have probably locked me up.
I ended up staying far later than I’d intended, which meant another late night. I must stay in tonight, I can’t keep getting too little sleep, it’ll catch up with me eventually! And I think that time might be now. I stumbled round the house this morning, but was awake enough to notice the strange pair of shoes were still in the corner of the living room - Todd clearly stayed. Good for Danny! As I left I banged on the door and yelled, “Stop shagging boys you’ll be late for work.” The giggling that followed told me that was exactly what they had been doing.

And so to work. The temp arrived as promised, but of course it wasn’t a cute boy. Her name is Suzi, with an ‘I’ not a ‘y’, which says it all really! Actually she seems fine - everything she’s done so far seems right, although she needs very specific instructions and doesn’t seem to be able to think for herself. But I mustn’t complain, because anything is better than doing it myself, and I’m sure she’ll get the hang of it. Let’s hope so.
I managed to find time to speak to Simon, although he sounded like shit - I’m not surprised - he was due to have his chat with the management, to beg for his job basically. He sounded fed up and confused, and when I mentioned his birthday he said he just didn’t want to think about it. I promised I’d speak to him later to see how his chat went, and would keep Thursday evening free just in case he fancied doing something. From what I heard it sounded unlikely - I mean would you want to celebrate being 38 with your job in the balance? No, me neither.
So I phoned Jim to let him know that I’d spoken to Simon, and we ended up having quite a nice chat. I’d lost touch with him a bit lately, as he’d been busy playing happy couples with Maria, but I’d missed him as he always had something interesting going on and was always up for mischief if there was the possibility of some. We ended up arranging to meet tomorrow anyway, regardless of whether Simon was there or not. Another late night, which means tonight has to be an early one.

The rest of the morning was really busy. We had a departmental meeting to see how prepared we were for the auditors, and I was frankly amazed to find that we’re pretty much on top of things! I guess all my shouting and jumping up and down has been worth it. I know something unexpected will happen, but if we’ve got everything else done that shouldn’t throw us too much. Still, I don’t want everyone else to relax and get lazy, so I played down how well they’d done. They’ll get their reward when it’s all over, but for the time being it won’t hurt to make them sweat! Actually they’re not a bad team, although I could kill myself every time I use that word - when did I get so indoctrinated that I think of the people I work with as a team!?

By the time lunchtime arrived I felt the need to get out of the office for a bit and get myself a bit of a treat. I guess I should have been looking for a gift for Simon, but actually I think we stopped doing that a few years ago so a card would do. I picked up a lovely one with a picture of a cake on the front from the bookshop over the road, and enjoyed flirting with the man behind the till as I paid for it. They should train people in shops to flirt with the customer’s, it makes the whole affair seem so much more agreeable - frankly I enjoyed spending the money just to see him smile, and God bless nametags too, because at least now I know I’ll be daydreaming about Luke.
The spotty boy in the phone shop could have done with some of his charm. I only popped in because I was bored, although I’ve been thinking about a new phone for a while now. I keep trying to persuade the company I need one, but they’re not going to fall for that any time soon. Anyway, I let the bloke give me the chat about which phone was which, but it soon became clear he knew almost less than I did about them ,so I told him I’d think about it and headed back to the office. I was feeling generous so I grabbed a pile of sweets from the newsagents on my way back, that’d keep them happy for the rest of the afternoon and make me look like the generous boss I want them to think I am.
What I wasn’t expecting to find was the office in chaos - Bob and Mike were snarling at each other whilst the rest of my department stood round looking a little bit sheepish. No sign of the temp, that can’t be good news…..